Updated on August 4, 2015
I love my dogs as much as I love the most important people in my world. I would have trouble choosing between one of my dogs and the people closest to me. That isn’t a slight to those people I love, it’s just a testament to how much I love my dogs.
Earlier this week, Saxon was diagnosed with lymphoma. The ultrasound pictures were jarring and tragic, disgusting and heartbreaking. Several years ago, we lost our last dog to lymphoma. It feels like cruel deja vu to have to go through this again.
I asked the vet how long she thought he had, her immediate answer was, “6 weeks.” No one can guarantee how long it will be. It might be a matter of a few weeks or maybe he’ll hold on for a few months. It’s hard to say. As long as he’s comfortable and happy, we’ll leave him be.
I’m struggling over the words, “6 weeks” though. Tomorrow, I leave for Jordan for the 2012 field season, which lasts about 6 weeks. So tomorrow, I have to operate on the idea that I might never see him again. I have hope he’ll pull through, but realistically, there’s no way to know.
Tomorrow, I’m supposed to give him his (potential) last kiss, tell him I love him (potentially) for the last time, and hug him once more. I don’t know how I’m supposed to walk away from him. I have to leave, but walking away from my darling Saxon is going to be the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life.
My heart is breaking and I can’t seem to function. I love him so much and would do anything for him.